Tonight I did something strange.
Back in 2008 I signed up for an LDSJournal account, a way to have a real (private) journal (as well as a blog) because I struggled with handwriting one.
I signed up. I journaled a few times. And I promptly forgot about it entirely.
Fast forward to last month.
I got an email about LDSJournal and remembered I had an account.
I logged in, changed my password, and I left it alone.
Tonight -- I logged in again.
I wanted to see if I had any posts that should migrate somewhere else for safekeeping.
And there it was.
Waiting just for me.
I read and re-read the few posts I'd left -- detailing the beginning of a relationship with a boy I dated during college.
The 'relationship' was a mess.
And tonight, I relieved the beginning of it and, subsequently, the heartache because of it.
It made me sad.
I saw the promise, the excitement, the hope, which past me didn't know would end and current me usually can't remember because of the end.
But instead of wallowing, I felt gratitude.
I can't stop thinking about where I was then -- and where I am now.
All the many, many things that have changed.
How *I* have changed.
I love the optimism and hope of that me.
But I'm grateful for the wisdom and resilience of this me.
There are a few guys from college I sometimes wish I'd never dated.
And there are a few I really wish I had.
(Two, in particular.)
And while I sit and think, 'wouldn't life have been so much easier if I'd done x, y, or z?'
I'm glad I've already been through it.
Glad I am where I am.
Because I have a feeling, it's right where I'm supposed to be.
So past me, don't worry.
Don't try to get there too quick.
Don't force it.
Just sit back, relax, and know we've got this.
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