we've got this

Tonight I did something strange.

Back in 2008 I signed up for an LDSJournal account, a way to have a real (private) journal (as well as a blog) because I struggled with handwriting one.

I signed up. I journaled a few times. And I promptly forgot about it entirely.

Fast forward to last month.
I got an email about LDSJournal and remembered I had an account.

I logged in, changed my password, and I left it alone.
Tonight -- I logged in again.
I wanted to see if I had any posts that should migrate somewhere else for safekeeping.

And there it was.
Heartache.
Waiting just for me.

I read and re-read the few posts I'd left -- detailing the beginning of a relationship with a boy I dated during college.
The 'relationship' was a mess.
And tonight, I relieved the beginning of it and, subsequently, the heartache because of it.
It made me sad.
I saw the promise, the excitement, the hope, which past me didn't know would end and current me usually can't remember because of the end.

But instead of wallowing, I felt gratitude.
I can't stop thinking about where I was then -- and where I am now.
All the many, many things that have changed.
How *I* have changed.

I love the optimism and hope of that me.
But I'm grateful for the wisdom and resilience of this me.

There are a few guys from college I sometimes wish I'd never dated.
And there are a few I really wish I had.
(Two, in particular.)
And while I sit and think, 'wouldn't life have been so much easier if I'd done x, y, or z?'
I'm glad I've already been through it.
Glad I am where I am.
Because I have a feeling, it's right where I'm supposed to be.

So past me, don't worry.
Don't try to get there too quick.
Don't force it.
Don't rush.
Just sit back, relax, and know we've got this.

xoxo.

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