i'll take you out though i'm hardly worth your time

Jun 7, 2010

Tonight I watched Liz's Vlog post ... and then I sat down to create some new playlists for a friend of mine who's going through a hard time.

As I sat listening to all these different songs I employ for various reasons ... I thought about the funk I've been in lately ... and how I got here. And I'm still not sure how it happened, or how to get myself out of it, all I know is that I want to be done with it.

All my life I've been a super social butterfly. I love getting to know people. I love finding out all the funny, quirky, wonderful things that make them them. I love being a friend. I always have. I'd give my left, or heck--my right, arm for any of my friends. But lately, I've drawn myself into this weird little shell, afraid, untrusting, unsure, and (frankly) lonely.

I need to fix that. I need to get back to being me. I'm not exactly sure how to do it...but I want to. I mean, I love boyfriend with all my stinkin, beating heart --he's my closest friend here, the one person I tell everything to-- but I also need someone(s) to hang out with when he's busy, or working, or needs man time. And I need to stop being so gosh darn BORING. I'm starting to bore myself.

I see all of you and your amazing groups of friends -- and I miss the tight knit group I used to have. I miss my Megan. I miss my Lyndsi Shae, Andrea, Brooklyn, Naomi, Steph (x 3), Dani girl. I miss the friends I made in college. They put up the fact that I was so often one of the boys more than one of the girls. The friends I have here are AMAZING, please don't get me wrong, but there was something about "my girls" in Provo ... we had this unbreakable, unshakable, intense bond ... and I miss that. I know part of the problem is that up to now most of my friends here in Eugene have been guys and hanging out with them one on one is awkward what with me being "attached'... plus most of them have girlfriends now. I need that here. I need to find that. I think I have in some respects and I need to trust those girls to be that for me. I need to trust that they're not going to stab me in the back or use me or be ridiculous like so many others have -- and just be their friend. Be the Siovhan I know I need to be/want to be/AM. 

End rant.
Oh, wait ... Thanks to each of YOU who I've become friends with through this medium -- each of you buoy me up more than you know and I'm grateful I have you. Sincerely.
Now the end.

How were all YOUR weekends? 
I can't wait to catch up on the reading I've missed this week.
{My boss is on vacation so I'm doing HIS job and MY job all last week and half of this week.}

My weekend was very relaxing. I got the stomach bug that was going around my office -- but after that wore off, I mostly took it as an excuse to take naps and sleep in and not do anything responsible. Haha. AND I got to eat popsicles when I started feeling better.

Now if only I could convince the Oregon weather to let the sun come out. I MISS IT.


p.s. I GET TO GO HOME TO BOSTON IN TWO WEEKS...and I'm RIDICULOUSLY excited. I haven't been back there since Christmas of 2007. Wow.


  1. I miss my girls too. They're all over the country and I don't get to see them nearly enough! And since you offered...any workout playlist recs? I'm getting my lazy arse off the couch and trying to get back in shape!

  2. I get it lady. I lost my close group of friends and lately I've been feeling like I don't have anyone to talk to.

    I finally turned to my sister in law and cousin in law. I'm pretty lucky that my hubby has some great family and the girls are awesome. I'm hoping they'll be people I can count on and trust. And I'm hoping you find the same thing!

  3. I wish I didn't know what it was to move far away from friends that I knew I would never have close relationships with again. email is so different than being in close proximity of the people we love and miss. Mommies want their children to have tons of good, reliable friends. "Mommy...why can't they like me? I like myself. I am fun. I like them." Famous words from a sunny six year old girl.

    Good luck. Look at my blog.



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