Pieces from my journal lately:

Sep 3, 2008

6:45 pm
August 20, 2008
The hustle and bustle of the Roderick house in the background

I'm sitting here in new gray sweatpants that are (luckily) not all stiff and new. They are soft and worn in. They're paired with a hot pink t-shirt and my gray and black moto-x hoodie. I started thinking about Myles and how his new girl would look in her pajamas late at night when they were snuggling and she was replacing me.

Then I began thinking about how many guys have told me how cute I am in pajamas or sweatpants. And how it was probably more often then when I am dressed up.

And then I thought--maybe that's because I'm more often in sweatpants than I am dressed up.

Then I shifted positing and gave thanks for cotton--soft, movable, fuzzy, loving cotton.
The fabric of my life.

***

August 24, 2008
09:13 pm

I own a microwave. Wow. Heh.

***

10:10pm
August 25, 2008
The Office--"Business School"

Tonight I really miss Provo. Today I realized I'm really not going back. That this stint in Eugene is not some crazy dream fate has dealt me. That this is reality. That the "back to school" note on the BYU homepage no longer applies to me.

That hurt. More than it should have. I found myself teary eyed at my desk.

I realized today life will go on without me. Not that I am (or I even should be) the center of everyone's lives but that their lives continue on, normal, even with me not there. That I am (inevitably) going to miss things.

"She felt weirdly numb and invisible. It wasn't just that she missed her friends; she was starting to wonder if she needed them around to feel like she existed at all."
--Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

***

11:50 am
September 2, 2008
Gilmore Girls

wise men say
only fools rush in

true. true. true.

over it. over it.
i wanna be over it.
i hate you because you came back.
i hate that i entertained it.
and i hate me because i'm not completely over it.
yet.
but i will be.
and i can't wait.
can. not. wait.

9 comments:

  1. Siovhan! Hey girl. It's tough adjusting to a new place. I know Eugene is VERY different from Provo....and, well, from anywhere, actually. Are you going to the singles ward? In Eugene? I know lots of people from Springfield, and I've actually been thinking you might hit it off with a certain guy there(don't kill me!)...AND, I have some old friends from high school newspaper who work at KEZI. I think one of them knows who you are, and he asked me how to pronounce your name (lol)...It's weird to feel disconnected from BYU. Anyway, I hope things start looking up. The people in Eugene are really great. Just hard to get used to. And, I think you're stellar!

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  2. hey new friend, i have a blog too!!! yay!!

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  3. soon you will adjust, just give it time. get out, do lots, but most importantly--do lots for others. i find when im often in a rut where im feeling overly depressed its a great lift me up to help those in a greater need. in the mean time, keep comfy in those perfect sounding jammies.

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  4. You made me get teary-eyed with your second entry. This is my last semester. I keep saying how I can't wait to get out of Provo, but I know I'll be sad once I'm really gone.

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  5. Lanette--

    Yeah, I'm going to the singles ward here. I guess the Eugene Ward, the Springfield Branch and the Santa Clara Branch (my branch) all meet together for sacrament meeting. It's definitely different from BYU.

    A guy? What's he like? Normally I'm opposed to being set up but since I'm severely lacking in the social aspect of my life, feel free to set me up (I can't believe I just said that).

    And who do you know here at KEZI? I'd love to know. Small world.

    And I think you're stellar, too.

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  6. you rock! comfy pants are always so reliable! I hope you know how much we all adore you! have fun and don't be afraid to really chase those dreams, you might be surprised at the blessings that will follow! btw, how is eugene, really?

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  7. I'll email you the guy stuff...Keep it on the dl, haha :) But I'll say this--there are a few I'm thinking of, the one I'm thinking would be best is living in Vegas now, but he still comes home... I'll facebook message you. ;)

    And, at KEZI, I know Matt Sevits, and I think his twin Kurt still works there, and Sean Langdon...if he still works there...and his older sister Laura....So, basically, I know they all worked there, and I know Matt still does, but I'm not sure on anyone else. Oh, and Rick Dancer, an old KEZI anchor, is my favorite politician. Good stuff.

    That's weird that all the branches meet for sacrament. Huh...The only people I know from Santa Clara are some random boys from youth dances...and I don't really know them, lol :) Hey I'll email you now!

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  8. Can i just say how happy your blog makes me? I love your writing, love you and get happy when you update it so I can see what the heck is going on with my Siovhan

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