She prays one day she'll find someone to need her.

Feb 24, 2008

Date & Time: 12:35 am.
Soundage: beautiful disaster--jon mclaughlin
(AMAZING. go listen to it. now.)
Action: red sox world series shorts...bare feet
Reaction: contentment.
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for getting older
You better know that in the end its better to say to much
Than to never to say what you need to say again

moments i love. things i feel like remembering.

bare feet. orange toenails. rolled up pants. diet coke. football. =

this is my summer face. little makeup, hair tossed up, t-shirt on, laying on a blanket on the green green grass. this was at a lacrosse game. a best friend moment. a moment of complete contentment with my life. everything was great. the weather, the friends, the fun, the timing. i love this. my soul is in this picture. happiness, greenery, summer moments of relaxation and just sheer fun. one of those times when your soul returns to being five years old and life, in its utter simplicity, is grand. and you know it. and you live it. and you let it engulf you.

new years eve was my first night out of the hospital over break...this is me with my "little" brothers (it's weird to be shorter than them). and even if i look like i am still ill, am makeup-less, and wearing man clothing... i love this picture.

me and my baby sister (my only sister) christmas morning. look at how happy i am to be opening up socks...or a scarf. even at 7 am. i love my new england house. and that little girl is my heart.

puddle jumping in summer rain, no matter how wet you get, is one of the most enjoyable experiences ever.

i love this picture. and for the life of me i can't quite figure out exactly why. but it explains a lot about who she and i are. dark hair, light hair, black, white, tall, short...we are so opposite but honestly so similar. regardless of the time spent apart or the physical distance between us, for real: best friends forever.

she's also the more fashionable one. obviously. her pirating skills put mine to shame.

after a wonderful and humorous night of divine comedy, wendy's, the black kid, hip hop, and the continuation of our grand sleep over adventures. and for how pasty white i am, you'd never know it was the END of summer.

us and THE man. this is one of the most humorous (and slightly awkward) experiences of my life and it was COMPLETELY worth it.

i loved that haircut. one hair will be that way again. (and i look a lot thinner than i feel today.)

basically this cake is just awesome.......and i love pirates.

this is one of my favorite moments of this summer. the outside nap at the cabin with the giant ant and some of my favorite girls. it was a wonderful day and i was so happy with my life.

i miss this street.

i miss this house.

i miss this view. this is my home. this is my heart. i don't know if i'll ever get over not having this many trees around. mountains are beautiful, but these trees are heavenly. oh man. this is how i'd pick to live forever if i could. enveloped by trees in the dusk of a wonderful summer day.

it's completely vain, but i love this picture. i was born to bleed cougar blue and this is one of my favorite pictures to explain my byu obsession. byu football is an integral part of my life and will remain so, most likely, 'til i die.

the past few days have brought about a lot of thinking. and today i was looking at a friend's pictures and realized all the things i want to do in life. i want to travel. i want to write. i want to see the world through other people's eyes. i want to eat exotic foods. i want to push myself to the limits. i want to experience the world. i want to be able to say at the end of the day that i lived that day all the way. that i wore my heart on my sleeve even if it meant i got hurt in the end. that i gave people a fighting chance. that i laughed til i couldn't breathe and then kept on laughing. that i befriended people. that i took that chance on someone who needed it. that i didn't fear or doubt myself or let those feelings stop me from doing anything, from becoming anything, from learning anything. that i finally believed in myself enough to do things FOR ME. not for other people. that i took the time to let myself be myself. that i cut myself some slack, and let myself relax and actually experienced life...and that i didn't just go through the motions. that i pushed myself a little bit harder to be that little bit better each day. that at the end of my life i could say (like the woman in The Guardian):
"If my muscles ache, it's because I've used 'em. It's hard for me to walk up them steps now, it's 'cause I walked up 'em every night to lay next to a man who loved me. I got a few wrinkles here and there, but I've laid under thousands of skies with sunny days. I've lived and I loved, danced, sang, sweat and screwed my way through a pretty [darn] good life if you ask me. Getting old ain't bad Ben. Getting old, that's earned."

i'm gonna earn that.


  1. Siovhan!! I miss you! We need to get together for lunch or something! How is life??

  2. I totally noticed that I've changed from 'my lyndsi shae' to 'bed flop partner'
    Who knows your blog inside out?
    Hi. I'm obcessed with you.
    K thanks.

    Joe Wilson thinks its weird.
    He's right.
    But thats okay with me.

  3. you are so cute. i miss you. and i love our picture


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