Action: Big Cushy Seat
Reaction: Sun lit horizon
Breathing—such an autonomous thought. One does it involuntarily…not thinking…just acting. This breathing. This release of inner “grossness” (of things that don’t belong) is something our bodies know, instinctively, needs to happen. But what about our souls? This time, this break from normal, mundane, (sometimes not so mundane), crazy life is the exhale of my soul. The crisp white snow against the black shutters. The immaculate look at the world. The clean start, the hope for color…and life…again. Within me is the hope for the clean slate. The hope for the change. The excitement, the anticipation of long forgotten familiarity and the prospect of a new day. Change is not always easily set in motion in my life, but I’m excited for the thought of a “new” life. A new start. THE start. Here comes my life. Here is where it really begins. So this exhale screams—“New life, I’m breathing in.”
My Christmas Miracle
A Christmas miracle. That’s what I was praying for. I didn’t need anything too grand—no bringing someone back to the peak of health, no big packages from Santa. I just didn’t want to sleep on the airport floor. Now I know my dad would have offered a hotel room…but I felt bad even thinking about having him pay for something after he helped with the car. And there I sat. starting at the grimy carpet and silently wondering how many people’s butts had sat just where mine was and where, given the circumstances, my head could end up that night. I grabbed my backpack and placed it firmly and determinedly behind my cranium. There I lay like that last stubborn fall leaf that waited til you had cleaned the whole yard. Completely out of place and just waiting for my turn. Unlike some of my standby cohorts, I was not leaving and just taking the flight they had assigned. I was not going to be sleeping there. Whether that meant flying to LA or
There was obviously lots of time to write yesterday...
I’m writing by light of iPod. Contemplating hair change, and the repercussions of said change. The color of my nails (a joyous shade of purple/gray), the great outfit I’m wearing, my matching eyeliner (that I FINALLY got to look like Lyndsi Shae’s—score!!), the fact that the one shirt I’m wearing is my roommates but she has my skirt AND my pants so it’s even steven. Tthe Rascal Flatts song on my iPod that I’m in love with for so many reasons beyond the music itself. The fact that my dad will never understand my enduring (platonic) love and loyalty (I may be a stupid girl a little) for one of my closest friends, the fact that said friend and I can’t go one day without talking (heaven bless rollover minutes and his “5”). The fact that my playlist makes me think of the past week…the change, the camaraderie, the love, the affection and the hope. The boy that can’t seem to get enough of my sassy pants (and that still confusing and out-of-the-blue development) and the boy I want to take five minutes and notice me. (I really love this nail polish.) The fact that “All I want for Christmas is You” flooded the acoustics of the bathroom today all courtesy of my cell phone. The Something Corporate ballad that brings peace to my heart. The fact that I’m so totally happy again that I can’t wait to greet Milford with my terrific realization that I don’t/haven’t/and will never again need it (besides for my mom) and that I’M the one that got out and really made something of herself—of her life. Hoping that my luggage rests safely under my seat somewhere. Thoughts of the argyle sweater and my punk rock past. Thoughts that “the dark side” may be the key to happiness, liberation and hope that my life needs right now. (I love Journey.) That if I do it I’ll be the only non-blonde producer but I’ll also lose my title as the only blonde roommate in my apartment. That we now have the super apartment due to my new loves moving in. That my desk might just actually eat Lindsi in her sleep one day. Haha. That in a few months I’ll have my own grown-up apartment (and life) that I can decorate however I want (oh to have money). That JamaL has front-row-joe for the two weeks while I’m gone. That