The Chronology of Broken Hearts

DATE AND TIME: four-oh-five-pee-ehm.
SOUNDAGE: computer fans and rumbly stomachs
ACTION: newsroom girly chatter
REACTION: laughing at rachel

Disclaimer: This is not a list of the only boys I have had crushes on. Just some of the major ones and ones I've been thinking about lately. And some of the major lately ones. Haha.

You were my best friend. Seriously. To this day I believe that's why what we had was so great. So life-changing. I was more attracted to you than I have been a lot of other boys. You knew the real me. You took the time to get to know me and really appreciate me. You always told me I was pretty but beyond that, you told me you loved my personality. You loved me for my mind and not just all the physical. You were the one and only boy I have ever truly loved. And the worst part is that I only told you that after the fact. Back then I was much more of a skeptic, more worried that what I was feeling was just puppy love, but even now I know I did really love you. 

You were the first one to really catch my eye when I moved to college. You were older, funnier and nerdier than I ever thought I would go for. You became one of my closest friends and I still think of you like that. Just last night I contemplated the evolution of our lives and our friendship. It's so weird for me to think of what we were and what we are now. I almost married you. Man, am I ever glad I didn't do that. It took almost a year and a half for me to see that my first impression had been unfortunately correct. 

You and you and you were a series of two week adventures. Last semester I couldn't seem to stand dating or consistently hanging out with anyone for any longer than....I think a month was the longest. It was good to see that I could not date and be fine with it even if the alternative was presented. 

And you were the summer fling. You...confuse me. My mom says I'm gullible, but I want to believe the best of you. I'm working to treat you just like you.....should have treated me. Or like I used to treat you. 

You were so good to me and that one little thing shot the whole situation to crap. I don't think you realize just how much that hurt to be used like that. We finally started to clarify things and life is starting to get back to normal. I'm just wondering if I'll ever be able to stop thinking about that. About all of it. I know that time will eventually cure all of this, but it's one of those situations where you just want someone to hold you and the person I want to run to, to hold me, is you. There are very few people I'm as comfortable just being with as I am you. And I think that's one of the reasons it hurt the most. 

You hurt my heart last week. The funny part is that I was willing to throw myself at your feet and you just shoved me aside. I'm sure it's hard telling someone that you'll never be more than just friends, but I think it's hard to see someone you cared a lot about and not understand why you're just not good enough. 

You and I have tossed each other around so many freaking times our friendship has become a see-saw or merry-go-round of interest. I never know when you're going to be hot or cold or when you're going to call or not. I just wish you'd finally do something, but apparently that's not going to happen any time soon. Unless you really do decide to surprise me and come home with me. 

You're the perpetual onagainoffagain kid. And I just don't know how much longer I want to be on the ride. And I want to spend every waking hour with you lately. I'm not sure I'm ready to jeopardize the relationship we're gaining to try to make it something else. I'm not sure you'd ever even think of that. But I never have to worry that I'm not going to enjoy myself with you. You're hilarious and you make me laugh exactly when I need it most. It's amazing. The only downside to you is the fact that you sometimes still act like a five year old when you're with a few of your friends. But that's not anything that doesn't make me spend time with them and laugh it up with all y'all.

3 comments

  1. um I think I know who one of those is.. but maybe not

    ReplyDelete
  2. if you need a break you should watch the ad I just posted

    ReplyDelete
  3. i love this one.
    wow.
    i really love this one.
    i know enough of these stories to again be reminded of how much we've spewed our lives to each other.
    i'm mostly trying to say that i'm glad we're friends.

    ReplyDelete

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