DATE AND TIME: 2:45 am. sunday? monday?....eh. november.
SOUNDAGE: the fan on my jacked up computer.
Life is funny.
For the life of me I can't figure out why I'm awake. I know I'm awake because I want to hang out with Lyndsi Shae. I know I'm awake because I took a freaking long nap tonight. And I know I'm awake because for some unknown reason I don't want to be asleep. Not because of the actual sleep itself (regardless of my semi-chronic insomnia), but because of the thinking time I have before I sleep, because of the dreaming that happens while I sleep, and because of that horrible feeling inside when your alarm goes off in the morning.....or in my case, when my engaged roommate's phone rings promptly at 7:30. I hate that ring more than anything lately. I just don't understand why I have to be punished because her fiance is a morning person.
I'm in a really interesting mood right now. I think I say that a lot, but that's mostly because it's true. I have too much on my mind and not enough to keep me from thinking about it. There's a boy, and another, there's a boy who's a friend, and another, there's internships and future plans, and plans with my dad, and car issues, and money hatred, and biology tests I(and hatred), and books I want to read, and friends I feel like I sometimes neglect, and aspirations, and visiting teaching stuff, and romney stuff, and my mom, and homesickness. I know it seems like a lot...but trust me, it's all in the crazy in my head.
Sometimes I feel a little guilty for being a night owl. Especially after I get lecture after lecture from my mom, my leaders and now Dave about how I need to be better to myself. Bah. Of course I do, but it's just so much easier to not sleep than it is to have the discipline to go to bed. I know tomorrow morning I will regret this decision, though. Not because it's not great right now, and not because I don't love being on this couch...but because in the morning I will have to wake up and go to biology. And that is not fun, nor is it something I really want to do. But then I can go watch the news and life will be alright once more.
I'm starting to debate whether I'm cut out for this news thing. I don't know if I can deal with all the ego and the drama and the diva attitude that some people have and that I would be forced to interact with and shoot down. And it's hard to tell people you love "no." I'm not sure I'm smart or capable enough to be a producer, mostly because I still feel so lost doing it. I'm sure that will go away...and Dr. Cressman assures me I just need to have some faith in myself...but that is hard to do when you feel like everyone around you is so much better prepared than you....maybe it's just because everyone else wants to be an anchor or a sports guy or the local weather girl.
And I swear on everything that is holy that my best friend was praying for weird, wonderful and dramatic things to happen to me this past week (while she was on her cruise) so that she'd have some interesting stories when she got back. Well, she got what she wished for.
Oh man. Life is definitely funny.
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