in learning you will teach & in teaching you will learn

Oct 22, 2007

THE DAY: day before game 1 (oct. 23, '07)
THE TIME: 12:42 am
THE NOISE: stolen--dashboard confessional
THE MOMENT: "It's got to be that can't eat, cant' sleep, reac
h for the stars, over the fence, World Series kind of thing."

I want to dance around with Steph, win after glorious win. All the time....even if I can't really breathe right now.

I keep staring at my wrist. There is the kitschiest, tackiest display of my love possible. There resides an electric blue emblem of roommate/soulmate-hood.

I'm sick of being sick. And I'm done with feeling inadequate. My alarm didn't go off this morning...because it got unplugged. I woke up at 9:55 with a blinking 3:13 on the face. I felt like such a failure for sleeping through class. And then I couldn't find anything to wear. I tried on about 6 outfits and then just decided on the shoes that had a shirt to match. I have had little to no confidence lately. I'm sick of looking at my reflection and seeing nothing worthwhile. It hasn't been that way in a long time...and I don't know what's changed, but I want it reversed. I want my spunky, take-charge, confident self back. Not my self-critical, doubtful, terrified self. This self was left wayyyy back in the dust...I don't know how she caught up.

I miss my little sister. I miss my shadow. I called her today, but when she called back I didn't answer because it didn't register she'd be calling so late...I was never allowed to stay up that late when I was her age...11.5 years ago. I love her so much. I miss my brothers, too...but they call more. Plus she's my baby.

The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls.
--Elizabeth Cady Stanton.

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