I guess I'll sleep when I die...

I had a very interesting conversation with Tyler today. First off, highlight of my life that he just showed up and decided to take me to look at the fall leaves. Seriously, I have been so terribly homesick this past month that it's not even funny. I honestly haven't been this homesick since, probably, my freshman year. Anyway...it was great to see Tyler and get the chance to talk.

But I realized something up there in the mountains. I am terrified. As a control freak I am having a very difficult time with thoughts of the uncertainty that lies ahead of me. The fact that I am graduating is heavily weighing upon me. I have no idea where I am going to be in a year, where I could end up shortly after that, who I may be with, etc. I'm SO not grown-up. I don't know what to do with myself. It's a terrifying thought that I'm going to be completely accountable for everything in a year. It's a weird thought that so much is up in the air at this point that I'm just waiting for something to fall and begin to make sense. I 'love' the question, "So what are you going to do after college?" I am always tempted to answer with something along the lines of: "Oh, become a [ninja turtle, paraglider, janitor]..." just to see how people will react. I'm a Broadcast Journalism major, my guess is that I'll do something involving television or journalism. But that's just a thought, ya know. =]

The plan has always been [barring marriage, of course] to move to D.C. with Dani. I still feel good about that...but there are all these options in my mind. There's ESPN in Connecticut. There's Dateline in D.C. There's Anderson Cooper or Rachel Ray in New York. There's CNN in Atlanta. There's Oprah in Chicago. There's NESN in Boston. And something in the back of my mind (wishful thinking perhaps?) keeps saying KSL. Granted I have little or no desire to be a permanent resident of the state of Utah...I wouldn't be opposed to being here for a few years of necessary. And KSL is a great station and I have an internship in with Brother Lindsay.

It's funny that, besides the gospel, Broadcasting is the one thing that makes sense. Erin/Sister Goff told me on Friday that she calls me and Maren "the Dream Team." We're both so committed to working hard and really try our hardest to do our best. I love getting to work with her because I have complete faith in her abilities and in her faith in me. I have no problem asking for more work (even if I did completely misunderstand some of it on Friday...). News makes sense to me. The newsroom, in all it's chaos and decibel levels, fits. I feel like I completely belong there. There are few places in life where I know I fit in that niche better than I fit in any other. And the people I am there with only make it better. I love seeing my "news friends" in there. It's a great environment for me. ...Man, I love my major. That's one reason I know I'll be alright wherever I end up....because I really love what I do. Professor Walz was right when he told me this was more a passion than a major.

And I know that there is someone out there looking out for me. I have the best roommates of my life this year. I love these girls more than life itself. And I love my other friends. It's so nice to have a group of girls that I love and feel like I can genuinely trust for once. I love my roommates and I love the girls in 102. I never fear that they think I'm some big dweeb that's come t hang out with them. I admire their passion and zeal for life. And the boys...the Lord definitely knew I needed them in my life. Each of them. All for various reasons. I honestly know that these people were put here in my life this year for a big reason. Someone somewhere loves me a lot and knows I need this.

And this patience/leap of faith thing is a lot harder than it seems sometimes. I'm really hoping I'm headed in the right direction with this particular decision....because if not, than that is going to be one grand slap in the face. Yes my friends, one grand slap.

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