we've got this

Tonight I did something strange.

Back in 2008 I signed up for an LDSJournal account, a way to have a real (private) journal (as well as a blog) because I struggled with handwriting one.

I signed up. I journaled a few times. And I promptly forgot about it entirely.

Fast forward to last month.
I got an email about LDSJournal and remembered I had an account.

I logged in, changed my password, and I left it alone.
Tonight -- I logged in again.
I wanted to see if I had any posts that should migrate somewhere else for safekeeping.

And there it was.
Waiting just for me.

I read and re-read the few posts I'd left -- detailing the beginning of a relationship with a boy I dated during college.
The 'relationship' was a mess.
And tonight, I relieved the beginning of it and, subsequently, the heartache because of it.
It made me sad.
I saw the promise, the excitement, the hope, which past me didn't know would end and current me usually can't remember because of the end.

But instead of wallowing, I felt gratitude.
I can't stop thinking about where I was then -- and where I am now.
All the many, many things that have changed.
How *I* have changed.

I love the optimism and hope of that me.
But I'm grateful for the wisdom and resilience of this me.

There are a few guys from college I sometimes wish I'd never dated.
And there are a few I really wish I had.
(Two, in particular.)
And while I sit and think, 'wouldn't life have been so much easier if I'd done x, y, or z?'
I'm glad I've already been through it.
Glad I am where I am.
Because I have a feeling, it's right where I'm supposed to be.

So past me, don't worry.
Don't try to get there too quick.
Don't force it.
Don't rush.
Just sit back, relax, and know we've got this.


Land of the Free, Because of the Brave.


At the close of this Memorial Day -- I'm thinking about this country that I love and the people who protect my freedom.

I'm thinking about the men and women who sign up -- knowing it's not easy, knowing it's scary, knowing they're putting their lives at risk, and knowing it's worth it because they love America.

I'm thinking about the women who let their husbands go off to war, or basic training, or another far-away duty, because they know what he is doing serves all of us. I'm thinking about the children who kneel to pray each night, hoping that their soldier mom, or sailor dad, or Marine uncle will return home to them safely.

I'm thinking about those whose hearts stop each time they hear a knock at the door -- wondering if today is the day.

I'm thinking about those who have live through that day. Who live every day missing someone, aching for someone, loving someone not by their side. Those who raise children, go on with their day to day lives, return to an empty bed each night -- because they shared the person they love with all of us.

Words could never express the gratitude I have in my heart for the members of our armed forces and their indomitable families and friends.

Thank you for your service. Thank you for the love you have for our country. Thank you for risking your life so that mine can be so wonderful.

Thank you.

“Our debt to the heroic men and valiant women in the service of our country can never be repaid. They have earned our undying gratitude. America will never forget their sacrifices.”
                                                        -President Harry S. Truman


The One With the Bad Haircut

I have really thick hair. I mean insanely thick. And curly.
And I feel like Ron Swanson when I try to describe it to people...

I've never had a haircut where the stylist's first comment wasn't about either a) how thick it is, or b) how curly and thick it is.
This is what my hair looks like on a pretty normal hair day:

And this is what it looks like now:

After it was fixed.
And after I covered up the seriously whacked out back part.
Not so bad, just so not what I asked for.

She did do a bang up job on the color.

But my ponytail is about 1/3 of the size it normally is. And I have pieces in the back that are two inches long. TWO INCHES.


See ... I needed a trim. And I really wanted my highlights refreshed. It'd been more than 6 months since my last highlight (gasp! sorry, stylist friends). I researched salons and stylists for 3 weeks. I finally decided to try out a brand of salon I trust in a ritzy suburb here in Dallas.

And ... my hair was butchered. To the point where I cried after realizing what just happened. Even the stylist who fixed it was baffled. She looked at my mom with a wide-eyed shocked expression as she examined my hair. She did a good job fixing what she could (plus she knows about curly hair so I think I'll go back to her).

Yes, this is, admittedly, vain. But writing is also a means of catharsis for me, so this is helping me embrace my new-for-now look.

BUT on the upside I looked a bit like a short-haired (& blonde) Merida this morning when I woke up.


Curls er'rywhere.

Please, tell me I'm not the only one to suffer bad haircuts.


*tap tap* Is this thing still on?

Heh. Um, hi!
This place is a little bare isn't it... well, I want to change that. I miss my little corner of the internet.


So, first things first. Howdy from Dallas! I live here now. I moved to Texas at the end of October for a new job. My benevolent dad and my brother Braden helped me pack up and drive across the country to my new city. If you're thinking of driving from Oregon to Texas any time soon just know the first half of the drive is beautiful. Then you hit New Mexico and Northwestern Texas and there's not a lot to look at besides dust. Thankfully Dallas is beautiful.

I work at the ABC station here in town and I love it. I'm in a bit of a different role than I was in back in Portland, but I'm liking the shift in focus and responsibility. And my body is REALLY enjoying sleeping at night like a normal human being. That schedule is a KILLER.

I love being close to my family. I've lived more than 2,500 miles away since I turned 18 (a full decade!), so it's great to be with them all the time.

So that's the short of the very long and drawn out story of how I got here. But I'm excited about this new adventure.

I'll pop in again soon, I promise.


​Things I am feeling right now:

[Confession...I wrote most of this on Monday and I'm just getting around to posting it.]

1. Ticked at technology. I'm *still* angry Google Reader doesn't exist anymore. BlogLovin has a weird interface, Feedly doesn't let me keep record of my backlog (mine automatically updates just to stuff that's been published today..anyone else's doing that?), and Digg was supposed to come up with the most similar one...but so far I'm just confused.

Wahhhhhh, GoogleReader, no I won't love any other one as much as youuuuu!!!!

2. #1 Con't. My booth computer crapped out on my 4 times this morning. Twice the screens went completely black like the devil was taking it over. I'm so nice to work computers...I'm ticked it decided to mess with me -- ESPECIALLY on a Monday.

3. Impatient. I can't wait/am overly exited for the new Target to open up downtown so I can go window-shopping/mall-walking after work.

4. Tired. I couldn't sleep last night so say hello to the girl thats been up for more than 24 hours... I also drank my first energy drink in just about 2+ years...and remembered why I don't drink them anymore. Combined hot flashes and stomach ache are not a good look on ANYONE. (Update: I slept like the dead that night -- and after 8 hours my body woke itself up!)

5. Hesitiant. Tried the coconut conditioning treatment on The Small Things blog here...and my hair was like one giant oil slick. Kate, the author? No problems. (That's because she's perfect -- seriously, read her blog. It's awesome and lovely and she has the best hair and the coolest sister, Lauren.) Thankfully, I found several of the commenters shared my chagrin. And 4 shampoos later (3 with that gross-smelling-but-effective Neutrogena clarifying shampoo) my hair was no longer greasy. I want to try it again starting this time with the tips I garnered from several readers...but I'm still a bit nervous.

6. Joyfully content. I painted my nails this weekend as a stress reliever (truthfully it's only relaxing if they come out looking good) and I love em. White with gold sparkles. Aw yeah.

7. Excited. Pat found the best bagels in Portland and now I'm addicted. Hit up the Rescue Bagels cart if you want an authentic East-Coasty bagel that doesn't skimp on the cream cheese...or as Pat says a vehicle to get cream cheese into my body. Mmmmm.

8. Confused. I big puffy heart the bedazzled sandals of the season but because my one foot is so bony and wide at the top (thanks broken foot), I can't wear them. Even if I go up a size, or two. Target/Old Navy/Payless/Famous Footwear y u no make them in wide size?

9. Gratitude. I catch myself a lot lately being grateful. For Pat, my family, his family, my friends, my health, the health of my loved ones, my job, the sunshine, the cool breeze, more TV channels, toothpaste, cookies, Jamba Juice, lip gloss, all the little things that make my life as awesome as it is. I'm really grateful for them.


and the award goes to...

So there are these little tiny awards called the Emmys ...
See? See my pretty name on that lovely shiny statue? How cool is that?!! (I know it's totally vain, but I'm lovin' it.)

Lots of people have asked about the context of my award so I thought I'd just kinda give y'all the gist.
I received it for my newscast after the mass shooting at the Clackamas Town Center Mall up here in the Portland area.
It was such a sad day, with so many people covering so much important information, and my team did the most incredible job telling people what they needed to know about the shooting, the investigation, the victims, and what would happen in the next few days.

The stretch of days around this one were some of the roughest in my news career -- especially since the Newtown shooting happened just days afterward.

This is not, by any means, just my award. I couldn't have gotten this without incredible coworkers -- from my E.P., to my anchors, to the reporters who worked double-shifts to cover this, to my chopper pilot and photographer. Everyone won this award this weekend.

...It'll just live at my house. (A fact I'm giddy over.)

It also doesn't belong just to me because SO many people helped me get to this spot. Pat, my patient and long-suffering parents, my brothers and sister for their prayers and laughter, Erin Goff -- the best teacher I could ever ask for, and Stacey Tyler -- the woman who taught me hands-on how to be a producer, to everyone at my first station in Eugene and all the lessons they helped me (and sometimes forced me) to learn firsthand. I wouldn't be in this spot without any of them.


Here's the story of a girl ...


Guys, months ago I promised the ever awesome and exciting update about my big move to Portland. Well, late is better than never, right? Right.

I'm not sure where to start, but the gist of the beginning is that I'd hit the time that I needed a new job. I'd gotten pretty much all of the learning I would get from my station in Eugene, and I was feeling stunted and bored, and that, in turn, was making me unhappy. And after one really crappy day last May -- I made a short list of six of seven cities I wanted to be my next step.

Then -- in a twist of fate -- other stations, from other places I didn't even look at started calling -- all thanks to good networking from longstanding connections. (Seriously folks, networking is a real thing and it really does help and work. I am a solid believer/participant.) A couple of phone interviews later, a few laughs with managers, and one travel-to-the-station interview later .. I thought I knew where I was going. I'd even started looking for an apartment.

But life has a funny way of pushing you where you need to go. I'd sent a resume to a friend and former coworker a few weeks before that and while I waited to sign my contract for the other station -- my now managers called. It was the most whirlwind of crazy interviews, discussions, panic attacks, tears (both happy and anxious), and lots of praying -- and I knew where I needed to go. There are a lot of really personal reasons -- that I'll totally tell you in private not in the blog-world, that I knew this was the station for me. So I said yes to Portland ... and signed on the dotted line.

I moved up here and I love it. I love the area, the people, the variety of things to do, the beauty, the food (oh.my.gosh. the food.), the zoo, the ocean, my friends. I love my apartment -- even with its quirks. I love how spacious it is, and where it's at in town, and the fact that it has a pool (and a gym!)! I love that I can decorate it however I want and change it any dang time I please. I also like that I'm finally comfortable coming home and being home -- because I feel like I belong there. I haven't had that feeling in an apartment in a long while.

Plus I get to drive by this every so often:


But among the most important -- I love my job. Sure I have hard days. And of course I have really crappy days, and there are definitely days it's hectic and stressful, and 100% positively there are days I wish I slept normal hours of the day ... but this station is wonderful. I've achieved some great things while I've been here -- and have a show that's really doing some awesome stuff. (Oh, and I'm nominated for an Emmy. No big.) But the best part of the job is the people. This morning team is truly something awesome, the management is one-in-a-million, and the rest of the team are nothing but kind, wonderful people. Plus we really do work as a team and truly have each others backs. And there are a LOT of reasons why that is important to me.

So the short story in all this was I took this job in Portland and it's awesome.

I'm not always so brave

Sometimes I can be really brave -- like taking a job and moving within a couple days (twice), like dying my hair dark dark dark brown justfreakinbecause, like falling and subsequently slicing my leg open and calmly telling my teacher 'I think I need some help.'

But sometimes I am not so brave. Sometimes common, everyday stuff scares the living crap outta me.
(I know, I'm a big fat baby.)

Yeah, a stabber in the shower would definitely do it...

Here's a list of stuff that freaks me out on the daily:

Turning left when there's not a light. I live in a city with a fairly good amount of traffic and this crap makes me break out in a cold sweat.

Walking outside at night by myself. It happens because of my schedule, but I have become scary vigilant about running to my car and immediately putting it in drive. No thank you serial killers, I'm not a sitting duck.

My sliding glass door at night. If the blinds are open when I get up, I panic a little...because I'm just sure someone is going to be staring back at me if/when I look out the window.

Sticking my hand in the disposal to retrieve any kind of object lodged in there (spoons, forks, etc.) because it's definitely going to suddenly restart and chop off part of my hand.

Any kind of crawly feeling when I'm laying down. Arachnophobia anyone? *shudder* I'm terrified it's going to be a large bug slowly making its way up my leg.

Getting repeated calls from unknown numbers. Um, hello, at least leave a message so I know if you're super creepy or not. (I'm also a serial reverse caller i.d.-er. Thanks Google!)

Peeing if I don't have the chance to check my surroundings first. Two words: toilet snakes. (Ah, the things you learn about in news.)

In that same vein is dropping something on the floor in the bathroom at night, and having to bend down to pick it up then look in the mirror. I'm very worried that somehow in that time something/someone will have appeared behind me (Donnie Darko anyone?).

Driving next to semi-trucks on two-lane highways. Does it get scarier than driving like this? Oh, wait, yes it does. Add torrential rain and you have me in perpetu-panic until one or the other stops.

That's all I can think of right now. Anyone else got very specific (maybe strange) everyday fears?
Please let me know I'm not the only one (though it's entirely possible I could be).


inspired by whitney

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I'm a crazy person, but you knew that already...

Heyyo little bloggerettes and bloggeritos! How is everyone? I see many of you have been graced with snow, cold, more cold, and the occasional day of sunshine. Sounds a lot like things here in Oregon only replace snow with rain and more rain.

So let's see. What have I been up to...well a lot of kicking butt and taking names. HAHA. Okay, so now that I have the comedy portion of the post out of the way... :P just kidding.

I'm actually just getting over a bout of the flu. Yeah, so I kind of sound like I have emphysema, but I'm actually starting to feel better. Mainly just congested and scratchy throated still, but on the upside DayQuil and NyQuil employees are thanking me for paying their kids' way through college. The flu knocked me out of work for 4 days, all of which were spent either asleep or coughing through reruns of Psych while wishing I could stop coughing and fall asleep. Woh Wohhh (go ahead and get out all your violins to play me a sad song. haha.).

Besides that I'm taking over some new responsibilities at work and loving what I'm learning and growing my talents. I love walking out of the booth and thinking 'dang, that was a great show!'

I've also gotten more chances to exercise, craft, read, paint my nails, cook, and adventure around Portland. You can see one of my crafty moments right here on the blog .. I'm updating my design (for the billionth time) because I need some freshness in this little corner. I've got a new header and there's now feeds for my instagram and twitter, and some fun new music! (P.S. If you wanna follow me, there are buttons for that on the top left!)

And guys, I'm knitting a blanket! It's coming along kinda slow (it's way more time intensive than I gave it credit), but it's going to be cool I hope.

Let's see...what else. Um, I need a new couch. Also, I love my apartment. Also I'm learning to cope without 30 Rock, thankfully Psych is coming back and I always have my fave Parks and Rec ... you.guys. How many of you watch it? If you don't, DO. It's perfect. Plus the Ben&Leslie wedding -- tears. I honest to goodness teared up at a TV wedding. I mean come on -- just check out their wedding album on Pinterest. I think Amy Poehler is perfect.

Oh speaking of perfection I have another new celeb dream-bff -- Jennifer Lawrence. She's HILARIOUS. Her night at the Oscars was enough to solidify this new I-wish-we-were-real-life-friends lady crush I have.

That's probably enough crazy rambling. What are you all loving/doing/crafting right now? I'd genuinely love to see it!


Currently ...

Hey folks, long time, no see...sorry about that. I've been out living life, finding my way around Portland (and subsequently getting lost a few times), finding new food places to enjoy, working my kiester off at work (my show is incredible and intimidating in all the best way), and loving having my bff/boyfriend up here now!

So as a way to catch you up a little, I thought I'd do a "currently" post. I've seen them on a few of my favorite blogs (Lauren's and Krysten's) and I've loved them every time they did them.



wearing: a baseball tee, yoga pants, and the comfiest moccasin slippers ever that i bought from old navy this past fall. they're faux fur lined and sooooo nice to wear when your tootsies get cold.

watching: 'diners, drive-ins, and dives' it's an obsession. i'm pretty sure i've seen nearly every episode, and most of them i've seen several time. right now guy is talking about cranberry chutney and its making me hungry.

thinking about: snow (praying all the snow stays in the mountains tonight), working out (been werkin on my fitness), blogging more (because i miss you folks!), and sleep (it's my bed time).

listening to: guys, i'm becoming more and more obsessed with philip phillips. he absolutely astounds me. i didn't watch american idol and just happened to find him through pandora and then realized his song was on, like, 90 billion commercials. but his other stuff is incredible!

reading: i can't stop reading lately. i've read 8 books since i moved to portland and 3 of them i've re-read in that time. i can't get enough of the help, let's pretend this never happened, and medium raw. now i'm also trying to work through my year with eleanor and seriously...i'm kidding. i am one of those people that can't read just one book at a time.

excited about: kicking butt in my workout today, the avocado in my fridge, the essie nail polish strips in stickers and stones, my new sweater from my momma (i'm in LOVE with the teal sweater), and my 1 a day diet coke i get. it makes it taste better.

planning: a way to get a furry friend in my life. i almost adopted a dog over the weekend but wanted to sleep on it and by the time i had, someone else had snatched her up. i cried. now i'm looking into other little guys that need a loving home.

loving: audible, my kindle (i'm still infatuated), not being so lonely up here in portland by myself, making more friends at work, finally finding really good mexican food near my house.

making me happy: seriously, do yourself a favor and watch this. it's made me happy all day.

So what are y'all currently up to?

I'm really going to try and be better about posting, I miss this little space. Plus I have some big ideas to come talk about with y'all.